Home Improvement

When they talk about the whole dream of home ownership, they usually leave out the part about never having another Saturday off for the rest of your life. Maybe the overwhelming success of Home Depot and shows like "This Old House" should have been a clue but somehow I missed all the warnings.

A few weeks ago we tore out some trees so we could plant new trees.

Last week we ripped out the floor so we can put in a new floor.

So today is another one of those Saturdays. We just finished scraping all of the texture off of the ceiling so we can... you guessed it... texture the ceiling.

I remember when Saturdays were for sleeping in, watching college football, long rides, and taking naps.

American dream my butt...

I Hate Television

What is the deal with programs starting and stopping and going on long breaks? All summer I get into a show called "Burn Notice" on USA. The other day I watch the season finale and they say "Next summer on Burn Notice." NEXT SUMMER!?!? They have clips of upcoming episodes but they're going to hold off until NEXT SUMMER!?

Then there's "The Dresden Files" from Sci-Fi. I was really getting into that show and then all of the sudden it disappeared. I look at the web page and they say "Coming back next season." Can't they just run a show on the same night for a while? What's with the stop/start crap?

And now there's LOST. I'm not as invested in LOST as my wife but she was SOOO pumped to see the new season. All the season premiers are this week and she rushed home to watch LOST. Imagine her disappointment when she found out it's not coming back until January.

I seriously don't get this... I want Cheers and Cosby back... The same program, the same night, until the thing drops dead.

Speechless

We went to see the OB today. The details are fuzzy but apparently I saw this...



And this...


It moved... I watched it... I can't begin to describe the feeling I had at that moment. It was a combination of glee and terror (it doesn't help that one of the images seriously looks like a pirate flag).

There is a very small person inside my wife's belly.

Ahmadinejad: 'We don't have homosexuals'

This kills me...

Asked about executions of homosexuals in Iran, Ahmadinejad said the judiciary system executed violent criminals and high-level drug dealers, comparing them to microbes eliminated through medical treatment. Pressed specifically about punishment of homosexuals, he said: “In Iran we don’t have homosexuals like in your country."

I can just see it now...

(Knock at the door)

Citizen: "Who is it?"

Official: "Iranian Census Bureau." (asks standard questions...) "Oh... One more thing. Are there any homosexuals here?"

Citizen in the back: "I am."

****BANG****

Official: "Anyone else?"

Self Defense

So I've been taking a self defense class. It's some martial art designed to combat Nazis and terrorists so I like to think it is much cooler than any of those wussy, ballet dancing-esque, things where they wear funny robes and bow a lot but that's another story.

Anyway... I find it funny when the instructor continually talks about how "on the street" things are "real." Was I to assume that things on the street were unreal? And what exactly is real? Is it real to assume some guy is going to just sneak up on me, grab me from behind, and attempt to break my neck with a commando style choke move? Seriously? When was the last time that happened to anybody who wasn't looking for it?

Sometimes I think these people live in a fantasy world where cowboys still draw on each other, knights still joust, and gentlemen still duel. I think the greatest self defense system is one I have already mastered. It involves several simple techniques for avoiding situations where self defense is needed. These techniques are taught by memorization of folksy sayings passed on from grandfather to grandson.

1- Don't get into a wrestling match with a pig. You'll both end up dirty and only the pig will enjoy it.
2- If you feel like you shouldn't be there, you're probably right.
3- Don't piss into the wind.
4- There is always a bigger dog.
5- Most arguments are like events in the special olympics. Even if you win, you're still a retard. (I don't personally love the word "retard" but the folksy saying just doesn't work without it).

So far this system has kept me out of any real fights for the last 15+ years of my life. Hopefully that streak will continue.

However, if someone should give me a hug while holding a yellow rubber gun to my head... I'll know what to do...

Things On My Mind

A friend reminded me that I haven't blogged for a while. I figured today was as good as any to rectify that situation.

I've had quite a bit on my mind. For starters, there's this...
No, that isn't an ultrasound of my wife's stomach after she swallowed a gummi bear whole, it's my unborn child.

I'm 32 years old and on the way to being a father for the first time. You might think I would be prepared for something like this after all I have experienced in life, but I'm not. This scares the hell out of me.

First, I get a knot in my stomach every time I start to get excited about the baby. What if something goes wrong with the pregnancy..? I don't even want to think about it.

Then, I get a knot in my stomach when I think about the baby being born. What if something goes wrong..? Now I'm even sicker.

Finally, I think about what will happen when my child grows up. Now it's not a matter of if something goes wrong, but when and how will he/she deal with it.

When I was a child I believed the world was a simple place. People grew up, got married, got jobs, and lived just like their parents. Everyone was happy and everybody mowed their lawn on Saturdays.

But that's just not the case. Setting aside everything that is going on in Iraq, all the disasters predicted by Al Gore, and all the depressing suffering going on elsewhere in the world, just being here at home isn't what it used to be.

Healthcare sucks... Before I quit my job to come to school I was making a pretty decent living and I couldn't get health insurance. What will happen when it gets worse?

Our Government sucks... I can barely stand to read the news these days. Scandal, corruption, abuse of power. How long can this last before it all falls apart?

Getting a job sucks...Despite the fact that my wife and I will soon have the 2 bachelors, 2 masters, and a doctorate level education between us, we're still predicted to have a lower standard of living than our parents (adjusted for inflation). What will my baby have to look forward to?

School sucks... Kids shooting kids, kids hanging nooses in trees, companies selling bullet proof backpacks. When I was a kid we didn't even have car seats. Now these kids are thinking about wearing body armor to school.

The environment sucks... When I was young I played in the dirt. I lived just a few miles from forested areas where I could run and play, drink out of streams, and see places I felt like I was the only person to ever see. If there aren't houses where those forests used to be, there will likely be the charred remains of a forest fire, or a road giving access to some development where bulldozers have no business.

And love sucks... Nobody loves anybody anymore. Marriage isn't about love, it's about benefits. Sex isn't about love it's about fulfillment and personal satisfaction. Loving your neighbor is just an excuse for a charitable donation deduction.

I am so happy to have a child on the way. I pray the pregnancy goes well, I pray the child is born whole and healthy. I worry about what kind of world I'll bring my child in to. I've had 32 years to try to make it a better place... I've done a piss poor job.

I am speechless...

I don't even know what I can say about this...

Apparently no legal/constitutional argument too absurd or far fetched for Dick Cheney.

Wow... All I can say is Wow...

Scalia wont convict Jack Bauer.

Man... I have no words for this right now. I thought a bunch of law students sitting around arguing about comic books was geeky but this is SOOO much better.

I would love to sit in on a pissing contest between the brightest minds in law disputing the morality of Jack Bauer.

Priceless....

Divorce

Is it bad that Now, I am become Death, the destroyer of [marriage]? My summer job will be helping people, mostly women of limited means, end their marriages.

Holy crap, I'm a divorce lawyer.

I wonder what my sister in law the PHD family happiness candidate thinks of my kind...

Oppenheimer was a wussy... He only blew up things of this world... I destroy things eternal.

Sarcasm in Scooter's Sentence

Ha ha... I LOVE the footnote from this order penned by Judge Reggie Walton in the Scooter Libby sentencing circus.

When 12 legal scholars including a professor from Harvard Law and a former Supreme Court nominee manage to put together an amicus brief in just a few short days, the judge takes notice.

"It is an impressive show of public service when twelve prominent and distinguished current and former law professors of well-respected schools are able to amass their collective wisdom in the course of only several days to provide their legal expertise to the Court on behalf of a criminal defendant. The Court trusts that this is a reflection of these eminent academics' willingness in the future to step to the plate and provide like assistance in cases involving any of the numerous litigants, both in this Court and throughout the courts of our nation, who lack the financial means to fully and properly articulate the merits of their legal positions even in instances where failure to do so could result in monetary penalties, incarceration, or worse. The Court will certainly not hesitate to call for such assistance from these luminaries, as necessary in the interests of justice and equity, whenever similar questions arise in the cases that come before it."

D'oh... I think he's calling you out guys.

Eco-Terroism

They handed down a sentence for Daniel McGowan today. Seven years for arson and criminal conspiracy. You may remember McGowan from the news stories about him (and others) torching some government and private buildings in Oregon. Apparently they did it in the name of the Earth Liberation Front and the Animal Liberation Front. They had their reasons but I don't really care to list them all here.

Anyway... The big deal on this one was that the government wanted to add a "terrorism" enhancement to McGowan's sentence. McGowan's supporters are all bent out of shape because they feel the terrorism label is inappropriate. On McGowan's website they use labels like "environmentally motivated property damage," "eco-saboteurs," and "environmental activists."

I have to admit, this kind of pisses me off. Apparently they feel "terrorism" is in the eye of the beholder. As long as you agree with the cause, it's not terrorism. Or in their case... It's not terrorism unless somebody gets killed.

Sorry kids... Terrorism isn't about what you did so much as why you did it. Let's take a look at the law... 18 U.S.C. § 2331(1) defines “international terrorism” as activities that:

(A) involve violent acts or acts dangerous to human life that are a violation of the criminal laws of the United States or of any State, or that would be a criminal violation if committed within the jurisdiction of the United States or of any State;

(B) appear to be intended-

(i) to intimidate or coerce a civilian population;

(ii) to influence the policy of a government by intimidation or coercion; or... (there's more but it doesn't really relate to this).

So... It seems as though the government has taken a cause-neutral stance on terrorism. It seems a rather common sense idea. If you were attempting to get citizens or the government to do what you want by committing violent acts against them, it's terrorism.

Now somebody explain to me why McGowan's acts weren't terrorism.

After they torched things they issued statements including language like,

"As long as companies continue to operate and profit off of Mother Earth and Her sentient animal beings, the Animal Liberation Front will continue to target these operations and their insurance companies until they are all out of business."

or

"This action is payback and it is a warning, to all other responsible we do not sleep and we won't quit.”

Seems pretty simple to me... They were burning stuff up (IMHO a "violent act") and then after they did it they sent messages telling people to change what they were doing or face more of the same. If that isn't terrorism... What is?

Sorry kid... Just because you're an educated white guy working for a popular cause doesn't make it ok. Go to jail just like everybody else.

All it takes is a tape measure...

The long awaited carrels have arrived... The 2nd floor is now packed with study spaces for the eager young minds at U of I Law.

"Packed" being the operative word. I have to admit I was a little more than disappointed when I sat down in my new carrel only to find that the new set up was about as roomy as an airline "cheap seat."

I don't want to be too critical. After all, the old carrels were a little packed too. But you have got to be kidding. It is impossible for a student with a window seat to get to the aisle without forcing one (or more) of his/her classmates to stand up. It's worse than a movie theater.

So... As I sat there, the back of my chair bumping against the back of my buddy's, I wondered: How much did these carrels cost? How do they plan to resolve this little problem (because honestly it's not a matter of comfort, it's a matter of function)?

Couldn't this have been avoided with a $5.00 tape measure from Home Depot?

This is why we are lawyers. If we had even the slightest grasp of math, physics, geometry, or common sense, we'd have real jobs.

Update:
I sent an email to the Dean of students. True to his perpetually available form he took 10 minutes out of his day to walk upstairs with me. I have no idea how the problem will be resolved but fortunately I am no longer the only person aware of the problem. Hooray for common sense!

Woo Hoo! Grades are in...

I am still on target to achieve my goal of making it all the way through law school without buying a single vowel. Hooray for Cs and Bs!

Cindy Sheehan

I have to be honest. I never really payed much attention to what Cindy Sheehan had to say. I know her son died in Iraq and I know she protested the war but other than that I never took the time to listen. As a result, I can not say whether I agree or disagree with her on any given point.

The one thing I do remember is the hatred that seemed to surround every discussion of her politics. I remember thinking that her sitting around GWB's ranch was kind of dumb. I also remember that it inspired an on air David Letterman vs. Bill O'Reilly spat.

So basically... I just had her written off as another voice in the crowd. I didn't give her arguments any more weight because she had a son who died, I didn't really think she was a pawn of the left.

Despite my total lack of background I still find this letter amusing. On Memorial day of this year she decided to step out of the ring. Apparently she has had enough of the spotlight. And who can blame her? The far right hated her and called her a tool of the left, the left loved her and called her one of their own. When her message remained constant causing her to criticize both republicans and democrats the left threw her under the bus.

Ah politics... What a mistress... Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned but Washington has something for her...

Summer Crash

Wow... I have absolutely crashed. I was so wound up at the end of the semester and now I can barely get my butt out of bed. Summer in Moscow with everybody gone is going to be difficult. Here's to hoping I don't crawl inside a hole, gain 20 lbs, and start playing D & D.

Unknown Gunman Kills [blank] in [blank]

Last night my wife and I were sitting in bed when we heard the sound of an automatic weapon firing somewhere in the distance. It's not a common sound. It's not a sound most people would recognize. Had I not spent a few years in the armed forces I wouldn't have recognized it myself.

This morning we woke up to news reports that a man with a gun fired into the courthouse to draw police into the open. When an officer responded he was gunned down, when another officer attempted to help the first officer he too was shot as was a civilian who apparently came out of his house and also attempted to help. The gunman was later found dead in a nearby church. He took his own life but not before killing the elderly sexton who lived in the church.

Just yesterday I joked about how quiet Moscow was becoming now that everybody has left for the summer. Not so much...

Oh the things I learn...

Today someone asked me, "What is the most interesting thing you learned this year?"

Unfortunately, it wasn't exactly the right time or place to tell them the true answer so I said something about probable cause and reasonable suspicion but now I can express what I truly felt.

This year I learned that the stores around Pullman, WA sell more beer and condoms on "Mother's Weekend" than any other week of the year. This seemed a bit strange to me when I first heard it. I wondered why these kids would be more inclined to be out on the prowl when their mothers are in town.

Then I learned that the medical clinics around Pullman, WA distribute more plan B, STD tests, and pregnancy tests over Mother's weekend than any other week of the year.

1 + 1 = HOLY CRAP!

It's not the kids out getting their grove on, it's the MOTHERS! When I first reached this conclusion I was sure I my math was wrong. Unfortunately... I checked with some of the locals and it is true.

As I watch the kids on the undergraduate campus wearing their pants half way down their asses, drinking themselves stupid, and exchanging sexually transmitted diseases I frequently find myself fearing for the future of our nation. I wonder what will come of our society when these kids are running the show.

Well... Mother's weekend gives me hope. How much worse can I guess it get? Can these kids really be worse than their mothers?

Of all the things I have learned, this is BY FAR the most interesting, disturbing, and disgusting. I don't know where these people are from but the idea of my mother visiting my dorm and getting all Mrs. Robinson with my fraternity brother is so foreign I can't even start to imagine it.

What is the world coming to?

Summer

What happened to spring? The other day I was talking to my wife about something and I said, "maybe when summer comes." She informed me that summer is here and that I failed to notice that spring already sprung and the earth has continued to rotate.

I think it was a combination of finals prep, crappy weather, and a trip to the tropics that confused me.

But anyway...

The semester is over. I am now a 3L. At church today I said goodbye to several of the kids who just graduated. As I thought back to my first Sunday here I was honestly a little freaked out at how quickly these first two years had gone by.

I'm beginning to notice a pattern here. Perhaps I should buy a day planner or a calendar.

My Rambling Mind...

It happens just like that. Like when a cloud blocks the sun on a spring afternoon. One moment you're bathed in warm light staring at the blue sky and then, gray.

Nothing has changed. No sudden shift in the sweeping orbit of the earth but still the subtle chill is enough to bring on a quiet sadness as though the sun will never return.

No storm has burst, no thunder tears the sky, but still, it feels as though a little rain has fallen.

Oh sweet Pete!

I just got home from school. As usual, I have sat down, kicked my feet up, and am relaxing while the stupefying waves of television entertainment wash over me.

There isn’t much on tv at 4:30. There are always Law & Order re-runs, game shows, and the pinnacle of modern entertainment… Judge Judy. Normally I watch just enough of Judge Judy’s program to make myself feel better by watching the train wreck of other people’s lives. I am constantly reminded that my life could be worse.

Anyway… Today I saw two people who have sunken farther than I could have ever thought possible. Two parties were disputing damages from a drunken altercation. Apparently they both had a little too much to drink, one pushed the other, it escalated and eventually somebody ruined a $900 suit and somebody sprained a finger.

“A $900 suit?” you ask… Why yes… And what kind of person who can afford a $900 suit is on Judge Judy.

Attorneys! Two Attorneys!

Let me just lay this out here. If you are a member of the bar and you end up on Judge Judy, you have hit rock bottom. It is bad enough that two gainfully employed lawyers couldn’t quietly deal with the consequences of their embarrassing drunken episode, but how the hell did they get to Judge Judy’s court? The names of these two jokers have to be synonyms for “dumb-ass” and “moron” in their legal community.

I feel so much better about myself now… No matter how poorly my finals go, no matter how bad my first job out of school is, it can’t possibly get that bad.

Apparently I am a Moron

Today I had more fun with a law professor than I have ever had.

It started innocently enough. We were having a conversation about the separation of church and state. I can't exactly say how it happened but the conversation devolved into an argument about how any reasonable person could possibly believe in Christ's resurrection, walking on water, raising people from the dead, or the emaculate conception.

According to my professor I am a brainwashed moron, incapable of rational thought. No reasonable person can possibly believe that Jesus was resurrected. No sane person could possibly believe in the emaculate conception.

This conversation occured in the lobby of the school. There were several observers who seemed a bit shocked at my professor's tone, volume, and vocabulary. There was a slight giggle when he said, "We should stop talking before I start to get insulting."

I don't really care about the argument. I was kind of having fun. I've spent years defending my belief in God against accusations of diminished mental capacity, dishonesty, and brainwashing. I was a pro at it for 2 years.

What really made me laugh is the degree to which the professor became animated in public. I like the guy. I really do. I just wonder how he could lack the common sense to hold off on that kind of talk until we were in the privacy of his office.

The faces of my classmates were priceless. I can't wait to see who sends an email of complaint to the Dean. I'll be the first to defend the professor but I will laugh out loud with him about being dumb enough to try to have a spirited conversation in a school where every little non PC comment is the subject of an inquisition.

For the record... I do believe in God... I don't know if I'm a moron or not but if I am... I'm ok with that.

Imus

I just don't know what to say about this whole Imus thing. I'm not an Imus fan; I've never heard his show. I'm just having a hard time with the whole thing.

Obviously calling a group of female athletes "nappy-headed hos" is just plain wrong but aren't we taking this a little too far? Seriously why is this a national issue?

There are so many things about this that bother me... I'm having a hard time articulating them.

Let me just say this... Who are all these sinners casting stones? This was an obvious case of somebody making as big a deal out of something as humanly possible.

Imus... You're a dumbass... Everybody else... you too.

Breaking News...

This just in... I am "hilarious." While this may come as no surprise to some readers, there will be others for whom this is a shocking revelation. To those of you who may be concerned or confused, rest assured that this is a matter that will be closely monitored.

That is all...

Update:

Sources close to me have reported that earlier statments about my hilarity were not true. Members of my house are claiming the confusion was due to the recent implimentation of the sarcasm system.

Reports are now incoming that I am "kind of a jerk" as originally expected.

I will continue to follow this and update as information becomes available.

Continuing Update:

Sources within my home are now reporting that negotiations have come to a standstill. It is not known how long the standoff will continue but experts believe the lion's share of the problems can be attributed to "blogging" that has been going on throughout the talks.

It is not known how this situation will be resolved or what possible consequences this may have with regard to upcoming conversations. Some believe that the greatest effects will be felt in talks over bugetary and reproductive issues.

If you think I'm the coolest, don't read this!

One of my favorite things about our law school is the overwhelming creativity and effort the students will devote to their causes. The stairwells are constantly bombarded with flyers inviting students to participate in some new activity to show support for an organization.

While I don't expect every club to re-invent the wheel for every fund raiser or statment of solicarity, I do expect a little more than this.

In order to show support for GLBT issues SODA has invited everyone to... get this... Wear jeans on April 18th. Give me a freakin' break! Jeans?

Why don't they just say, "Everybody take a shower on Wednesday." This is quite possiblly the dumbest idea I have ever heard.

This summer I think I will post flyers inviting everyone to wear sandals to show their support for me in my cause to become supreme overlord and ruler of the universe.

Or... I could just have a bake sale...

Yes... I shaved...

Do not be alarmed. All is well. The earth has not ceased to rotate and the Second Coming has not taken place. The exposure of my chin is not one of the foretold omens of the end of days. I just shaved.

I understand that this event may be shocking and life changing for some. Many of the people closest to me have never seen me without a beard and are struggling with the change. I ask you all to be patient and we will work through this together.

In order to help my dedicated fans with the transition I have compiled this list of suggestions.

1- Do not look directly at the chin. Staring at the chin can be distracting and may prevent you from accomplishing other important tasks.

2- Do not look directly at the 2nd (double) chin. There is no reason other than the reason listed above but I feel it is important to be redundant at least twice.

3- Do not tell me I have a baby face. As one friend commented, by removing my facial hair I have lost at least three "bad ass" points but do not be decieved. Mocking the new clean shaven me will still carry the same consequences as mocking the dirty old me.

4- Do not make out with me. For years my beard has provided a soft barrier preventing irritation to the face of those I kiss. Unfortunately, I have become re-acquainted with "beard burn." Apparently the stubble can cause sever irritation. What once was soft and hairy is now rough like sandpaper. I'm sorry.

5- Do not tell me you think I look "so much better." I don't like my face without a beard. If I did I would have shaved years ago. I don't care what you think. If I did I would never have gotten this fat.

6- Do not touch my face. Much like the delicate forrest floor my chin is not used to being exposed to the elements without a protective canopy.

7- Look at my eyes. I have been told that my eyes have remained the same despite various dramatic changes in my appearance. Many of my high school classmates have learned that I can still be recognized (even after gaining 100 lbs) if you focus on my eyes.

8- Look for old photographs. It has come to my attention that there some photographs were taken in the brief period before I started growing a beard and after I had gained weight. Viewing these photos may help you to gradually become more comfortable with my appearance.

9- Look for support among friends. You may feel that you are alone in this time of trial. Fortunately, there are others suffering. There is strength in numbers. Form support groups and sponsor conversations to provide for group healing.

10- Seek professional help. In some situations change can be very traumatic and the assistance of a professional may be necessary to avoid severe depression or anxiety.

I hope these suggestions help.

I will keep you all in my prayers.

The Answer: Don't answer.

I like "old sayings" they remind me that venerable, common sense thinking will endure despite the temporary stupidity of society. Today the one about people cursing the darkness vs. lighting a candle came to mind.

A friend of mine emailed me to tell me about a hilarious book. I don’t really feel like advertising for it so I’ll leave out the title (if you really want to know you can email me). The book is about the differences between men and women. The author likes to think of herself as a feminist but I’m going to go ahead and give the rest of the feminists in the world a break and assume that this woman is beneath them.

I have no problem with the topic of the book. I have no problem with the idea behind it. What I do have a problem with is the fact that half hearted attempts at inteligent discussion such as this are accepted and profitable.

The book points out several of the shortcomings of men, takes a few jabs at our culture, and then... that's it... Nothing more, no suggestions about how to bridge the divide, no proposals for the future, just the complaints and sarcasm. Just in case you think I'm the only one who feels this way about the book...

"In the end, though, one wishes [this book] went beyond simply grocery listing examples of sexual disparity to offer concrete suggestions for change." --Kim Hughes

Kathryn Harrison of The New York Times pretty much sums up the uselessness of this kind of book. "...smart remarks are reductive and anti-ruminative; not only do they not encourage deeper analysis, they stymie it."

Why do we read books written by people who are too lazy to propose solutions or offer suggestions? Why do we give a crap about what people have to say if all they are going to do is complain?

Here is my suggestion... We should refuse to read crap like this. We should refuse to listen to people who offer criticism without contribution. Perhaps publishers and authors will start to realize that we want to read books that do more than complain. Perhaps the authors and scholars who are willing to put the required time and effort into their work will start to make their way to the front of the bookshelf.

This wouldn't bother me as much if the only side effect was the inconvenience of having to sift through shelf after shelf of crap to find a good book at Barnes & Noble. Unfortunately, this is one of the things that (in my opinion) is "wrecking America."

Specifically this has an overwhelming influence on politics in our country. This intelectual laziness has reduced our political process to a name calling contest. If I want my idea to prevail, all I have to do is point out the flaws in your idea. I don't have to support my own argument, I don't even have to have an argument. I can just tell people what a jerk you are and I'll win.

I'm not ok with this. We need to stop listening to poeple who offer no solutions. They say that a society that lives by the "eye for an eye" policy will end up a society of people with one eye. I say that a society that listens to complaints without solutions will end up a society with nothing but problems and people who complain about them.

...please make it stop...

Drinking Songs

Why is it I always have drinking songs stuck in my head? Seriously, I've never had so much as a wine cooler in my life but I could sing along with almost any sailor who came to port. I blame my roommates.

Thanks to Johnny and Shane for two of my favorites...

"Here's to brother [insert name]" and "Dos... A Beer... A Mexican Beer."

Too Much Fun to Pass Up.

Create your own Friend Quiz here

Accidents

I’m starting to wonder if people really know what “accidental” means. When I was just a young pup the word “accidental” was used to describe things that occurred unexpectedly or by chance. If something happened, no matter how unfortunate, which was painfully foreseeable nobody would be dumb enough to call it an accident.

So this brings me to tonight’s news. As usual, one of the lead stories was about Anna Nichole Smith. Apparently the autopsy came back. With bulletproof hair and shiny white teeth the talking head announced that Anna Nichole died because of an “accidental drug overdose.” Then, without even the slightest hint of irony the newsman went on to say, “Doctors say Anna Nichole took a sleeping pill along with at least 8 other prescription medications.”

Now I’m no pharmacist, and I only made it through 1 year of pre-med, but I dare say I have enough experience with those little orange-ish bottles to know that taking a sleeping pill on top of 8 prescription drugs is probably not a good idea.

Obviously there are circumstances which would make taking that many drugs “normal.” However, since I doubt Anna Nichole was sitting in intensive care after undergoing multiple organ transplants and chemotherapy, I just don’t see how she could be taking that many pills and not know she was going to end up foaming at the mouth on the bathroom floor.

If you ask me (which you must have because you’re reading my blog) I’m going to go ahead and say it was an intentional overdose. Not intentionally fatal, but intentionally beyond the recommended normal use taking in to account drug interactions and other factors.

So unless she slipped and fell into a giant Willy Wonka and the Pharm Factory vat-o-dope, let’s just say “Anna Nichole Smith died due to a fatal drug overdose.” We don’t have to say accidental, just an overdose.

Con Law II: An illustration of the problem.

I just had a nice little heart to heart with my Con Law professor. Yesterday he came out in class and said a few things about the students who sit on their hands and say nothing. It was a not so thinly veiled shot at the kids who dislike his liberal rants but don't want to be harassed in class. Some of them went to the Dean. I wasn't surprised. It's just another example of the problem with U.S. Politics today.

You see... People hate each other. They don't just disagree, they hate, and classrooms like ours are only making the problem worse. You're going to create a divide when a professor stands at the front of the room saying things like "are there any [members of political party] who aren't evil?" or "I have come to the conclusion that all [members of a political party] are evil."

Some people say that he's just speaking his mind. Some say he's just telling it like it is. I say he's being an ass and he needs to take a look at the bigger picture. The gridlock created by partisan politics is a HUGE problem. On the large scale we have one half of the nation willing to do anything just to make sure the other half doesn't get its way. This is productive.

Let's take the most popular issue of the last few decades... Abortion... One side says, "No abortions, never, not ever, for no reason whatsoever." The other says, "Abortion when, how, where, and why I want. No notification, no consideration, no regulation." Does anybody really agree with eather side? Does anybody really feel that having an abortion is like ordering a burger? NO. Nobody wants to see an increase in abortions. Ask the folks at Planned Parenthood. Their whole goal is to promote education and responsibility so we don't have to have abortions.

Does anybody really believe no abortions ever? What about when it will kill the mother to give birth to a child that can not possibly survive? What about a 12 year old girl who was raped by her father? Do we really believe there is NEVER an occasion when abortion might need to be available as an option.

But those are the choices we're left with. Abortions for all or abortions for none.

Why is it so? Because nobody has enough respect for their political oponent to sit down and actually try to come up with a resolution that may require some compromise. We'd rather cut off our nose to spite our faces.

I think it sucks. I think it is up to those who stand in positions of authority to do something to stop it. People wonder how these talking heads with radio shows make money... It's because that's the culture we're promoting.

So here's my suggestion... Let's be big enough to be the first ones to exercise a bit of self restraint. Let's put away our pitch forks, swallow our hate, and recognize that this kind of division will only lead to the ultimate failure of our government.

Perhaps in a few years we'll have two or three candidates running for political office in this state who happened to attend the same law school. Perhaps they had spirited debates in class but still had a healthy respect for each other and a cordial social relationship. Perhaps they'll run tv ads about issues and not about how one candidate wears red underwear while dancing naked on a burning American flag.

Perhaps we'll have people talking about their differences rather than defacing signs in the stairwell...

Just a thought... Maybe I'm wrong...

Footnote

Wow... The Prof came out today and pretty much repeated our conversation. I will have to take back many of the horrible things I've said about him.

Academic Snobbery

I had an interesting thought in class today. This is news for many reasons: First, because I was actually thinking during class; Second, because something in class was interesting.

Today we discussed the famous Terry case. This is the case that made it legal for police officers to stop random citizens as long as they have an articulable, reasonable suspicion that something is up. Unfortunately, I can look at 90% of the population and find a way to articulate my reasonable suspicions about them. Oh well… At least it’s not “papers please.”

Anyway… One of the interesting bits of trivia the professor chose to share with us while introducing the case was the employment history of the arresting officer (McFadden). Our professor explained that McFadden had been a “beat cop” for 30 years. The state used this information to show the reliability of Officer McFadden’s instincts and testimony. My professor took another road.

Apparently one of the many rock solid truths we can all learn from television is that every cop in America dreams of being a detective, every detective a chief, and so on. My professor implied that since Officer McFadden had been a lowly beat cop for 30 years there must be something strange about him. Why was he not a detective? Perhaps he was a “bad cop” who couldn’t be promoted? Maybe there were disciplinary problems? Why would anybody ever want to keep the same job for 30 years?

Well here’s the thing…

My professor is wrong on multiple levels. First off… McFadden was a detective. Not that it really matters, but it is good to get that little inaccuracy out of the way before we start.

Second. What kind of snob assumes that anyone who is not constantly in pursuit of some advancement in the workplace is somehow flawed? Just because you feel the need to compete and constantly climb in order to feel good about yourself doesn’t mean the rest of the world is that way. The notion that a person must perpetually attempt to advance in his or her profession is not a universally held value. There can be any number of reasons why an honorable and capable person would be content in their position. I have ancestors who are excellent examples of this.

In my opinion, this is just another example of the complete disconnect between academia and the real world. Guys like McFadden are what keep the world going round. It may be a totally foreign concept for some but there are people who wake up every morning, go to work, and then come home in the evening without spending several hours pondering the countless ways in which they could advance themselves in society. Some people might actually like their jobs. Some might only work as a means to provide for some other more important pursuit. Maybe McFadden loved model trains, or had a family, or was actively involved in a youth volunteer program.

This paternalistic concept of knowing what someone else “should” be doing with his or her life is a joke. This is the same thinking that causes people to shy away from noble professions because they fear others might think they have sold themselves short. What if I want to be a public defender for the rest of my life? Will I be a bad person if I never make partner in a big firm or become a professor at a law school? What if my wife with her two masters degrees decides she wants to be a stay at home mom?

The idea that McFadden’s apparent lack of ambition should somehow be a part of the analysis of this case is absurd. Get over yourself.

What have YOU done for America?

Have you ever heard an argument between two people about US politics where one throws down the "I served my country, what did you ever do for America" trump card?

It is an interesting thing for me. In part I get tired of that crap. I don't really feel like any one person's ideas are more valuable because they have given up some part of their life in serving the country.

On the other hand, I do feel a bit annoyed by people who enjoy the freedoms our nation provides but have never really given anything back to the nation. Some argue that they have voted or protested or recycled faithfully but to me it's just not the same.

This is why I propose a 2 year service requirement for those who want to vote or enjoy other "premium" citizenship benefits.

No... I'm not suggesting that everybody has to join the Army. I think everybody should be required to "serve" for two years. People can chose to go build homes for the homeless, provide medical care to the poor, teach in public schools, etc...

There would have to be some sort of Americorps organization keeping track of the service. It would have to be controlled by some kind of legislative oversight (to keep the rich kids from "serving" at country clubs).

I think this would do a whole lot of good. Nobody would be able to say that they are more or less worthy of citizenship, we could get a whole lot of stuff done for the disadvantaged population and people would be forced to leave their little social bubbles and meet their countrymen.

I like it...

Of course there are all those pesky constitutional issues about depriving people of liberty but then again, we could apply that part of the constitution only to those who have served...

I'm brilliant.

RIP Thomas Eagleton

Thomas Eagleton 9.4.1929 - 3.4.2007

US Navy Veteran
Harvard Law Graduate
Youngest Attorney General in Missouri State history
Missouri Lieutenant Governor
US Senator
Professor of Law
Even has a courthouse named after him...

But not good enough to be:
Candidate for Vice Presidency of the United States of America

Apparently Mr. Eagleton's fatal flaw was seeking medical attention for "physical and nervous exhaustion." He sought help for depression. Newspapers and critics seized upon his past medical history and eventually Eagleton had to step down.

He could have just kept it under his hat. He could have used alcohol or drugs to self medicate (although many accused him of alcoholism). Perhaps he could have engaged in some other maladaptive behavior to find release from his inner unhappiness... But wait... That would have made him... Just like every other politician in US history.

Why is it America will condemn a person who takes a couple of Prozac a day to deal with a legitimate medical condition but put full faith in a person who voluntarily chooses to occasionally depress their nervous system and get pissed drunk?

Well... It's not like it mattered anyway... McGovern went down in flames against Nixon. Fortunately America chose to elect a candidate who was a big fan of full disclosure. Just imagine the horrible things that could have happened if we had elected a person with a mood disorder.

Better People

Wouldn't it be nice to be a good person? I run in to good people all the time. A salesman at a store who went out of his way to help my wife and me, a guy standing in front of me in line at Costco who let me go ahead, the guy who ran down my car to tell me my trunk was open...

I wonder if these peope are good people all the time. Do they constantly impress others with thier good deeds or do I only catch them at their best? Are they really a jerk 90% of the time like me?

I'd like to be a good person. I think the only thing worse than knowing you're a jerk is realizing when you've missed the opportunity to be something other than a jerk. I hate it when somebody tells me about something they've recently dealt with and I think to myself... If I had known I could have helped out with that.

Maybe that is the key... You have to be observant to be a good person. So maybe good people aren't really good people at all, they're just smart people. Maybe I'm not a jerk, I'm just clueless...

I like that better. I'm not a jerk, I'm just dumb.

To all those I have failed to help: I'm sorry... I don't hate you, I'm just not that bright.

You can be offended when I'm talking to you...

A funny little story...

A few years ago I was traveling with a friend of mine for work. We had a layover between flights so we went to grab a bite to eat at one of the restaurants in the concourse. We were waiting in line when my friend asked me "How are we on time?" I responded that it was 5:30 and that we were on schedule.

A large balding man standing nearby became very nervous and asked the man next to him, "Is that really the time?" The man responded "no... It's 4:30." The man then turned to me and with a scolding tone informed me that I had frightened him because he thought he had missed his flight. He was very angry and stood waiting for me to say something. I had no idea how to respond so I just shrugged my shoulders and turned around.

Now that I think about it... My friend and I were traveling to a city in another time zone. We had a meeting in that time zone and our only concern was the time in our destination city. The fact that we happened to have stopped at an airport in another time zone didn't really matter to us. For our purposes the time was 5:30. I knew what my friend meant when he asked for the time and he knew what I meant when I answered. The fact that some fat guy with a comb over was listening in on my conversation and didn't have all the facts was not my problem. If he wanted to know the time he should ask me or buy a watch.

I see that the same thing seems to happen pretty frequently around me. Two people are carrying on a conversation when another interrupts them to inform them that something they have said is incorrect, offensive, or untrue. Who do these people think they are? Nobody is talking to you... Mind your own friggin' business!

There are people in the world who will interpret anything they hear in the most offensive manner possible and will always assume that the message has something to do with them... Guess what? If you overhear something and you chose to give that something a meaning that you dislike... That's your problem. I don't want to hear about it. Nobody is talking to you and if you want to run around looking for opportunities to be offended you can be miserable and bitter all by yourself.

Honestly... How narcissistic can you be? What made the fat man think we were limited to a discussion of time based on his frame of reference?

So here's my new theory... If I'm not talking to you, you don't get to automatically assume you know which time zone I'm in. If you don't like the message you received, you don't get to tell me that you don't like the message I sent. If you have failed to properly decode my message... That's your problem.

You can be offended when I'm talking to you...

Mindless Ramblings

I'd never seen anything quite as dark as the desert on a rainy night. As we drove deeper and deeper in to the San Rafael I could only imagine what lay beyond the glow of the headlights. It wasn't raining now, but it had been just a few hours before. The world was still dark and moonless with a blanket of clouds blocking any light that might have come from the night sky.

We weren't exactly sure where we were going. The trip had been hastily put together in a matter of hours with only the aid of a guide book and a general knowledge of the area. This was a new part of the Swell to both of us. We curiously leaned forward over the dash of the truck attempting to distinguish a skyline or some topographic feature. There was nothing. Cautiously we made our way down the trail using the guidebook with the odometer and what we could make out from the glare of headlights on the muddy track.

It was getting late when we arrived at what we believed to be the end of the road. We went back over the directions, "...from the cattle grate 7.2 miles take the right fork. At 8.6 miles pass an abandoned car..." and so on. We were there. We weren't exactly sure where "there" was, but we were tired and in the blackness as it began to rain again, any level spot was as good as the next.

There was a comfortable, almost cozy, feeling in the thick cover of darkness. Moving around and stowing things in the cramped bed of the truck with only the narrow beam of a flashlight, I couldn't help but feel like I was back in my parents basement making forts out of couch cushions and quilts over card tables. We made ourselves comfortable on 3" foam pads stuffed between the wheel wells and fell asleep to the sound of raindrops on the roof of the camper shell.

We had no plan or agenda for the morning. The sole purpose of the trip was to just get away and "get lost" for a day. We had done it. With no schedule to keep and no objective to gain, I allowed myself to sleep as late as the daylight would allow. I reluctantly pulled myself from beneath the weight of my sleeping bag and opened the tailgate and shell. My friend Troy, who obviously has not developed a talent or an appreciation for sleeping late, had already gotten up and taken the dog for a walk. I hadn't even noticed when he left. Still not awake I sat on the tailgate and stared at my feet as they swung slowly making small circles in the air. A cold breeze came from the North and swept across me like a wave. I was awake now; the wind cut through my cotton shirt like a cold shower washing away any of the lingering warmth from my bed. I put on my shoes, pulled a fleece over my head, and hopped down from the tailgate.

I made it about thirty steps from the truck before I became aware of my surroundings. The cover of darkness the night before had made the world feel small, as though there was nothing more to it than what could be seen from the cab of the truck. Now in the light of day I was overwhelmed by the enormity of the landscape. To the North from where we had come was a seemingly endless sea of rust colored sandstone waves rolling to the horizon. The road we had taken wandered in and out of view until it finally disappeared in the surf. To the East and West were 300’ sandstone walls striped red, orange, white, and black. To the South the high walls narrowed in to a thin crack of a canyon which gradually faded in to a dark maze.

I stepped over toward the remains of an old miner’s cabin, and stood there for a while watching spotlights of sunbeams through the clouds move across the landscape. For a brief moment one of the beams crossed our campsite and warmed me just enough to notice the cold breeze again. I shuddered slightly and stuffed my hands deeper in to my pockets. The slight wind swept away any trace of sound and any voices or calls from the dog were gone before they could disturb my morning. I don’t know of a time when I have ever felt so much privacy and isolation in such an enormous place. I knew Troy couldn’t be far, but since he had gone before I woke up I was left with a mysterious feeling of solitude. I would pause for a moment while looking around and find myself staring at nothing. A slight twitch back to reality would only set me staring again in another direction. Never in my life have I been so aware of my surroundings as I was at that moment.

It was one of those moments of clarity that are usually had only by prophets and scientists. A moment when thoughts are such complete and overwhelming realizations that you can't imagine ever not knowing what it is you have just discovered. I believe it is called an epiphany. It can only be described as sublime. I have no idea what it is that I realized at that moment or what, if anything, I learned. Maybe it was an understanding that all things are connected, an appreciation of God's creation, a deeper connection with mother earth, or a higher level of communication with the earth’s creator. I don't know, but I know I know it.

Let's NOT Promote Diversity...

As I walked down the hall today I passed a pair of classmates engaged in a spirited conversation. I didn't stop to listen in but I did hear the phrase "promote diversity" several times. I didn't think much of it since this is a common topic of conversation here in the law building. As I continued on to my class I passed another group of students who seemed to be having the exact same conversation. For a minute I thought all four students may have come from the same room and were all just finishing up a discussion that had begun in the last class.

But they weren't... They are from different classes (1L,2L,3L) and the only class or meetings just to let out were not likely to have dealt with promoting diversity.

I thought about it for a minute or two... I don't recall the last time I went a day without hearing the phrase "promote diversity." I have decided that I am sick of it.

I know that most people who "promote diversity" would say they aren't trying to promote differences. They always seem to say they are promoting community and cooperation. But are they really?

How does it make people feel to have someone constantly telling them that they need to be more diverse? It's like saying my school, community, or social group sucks because we're a few members short of a standard platoon. Are they saying that we need to import some superior group of individuals? Am I supposed to hang my head in shame because I have failed to recruit the right players for my team?

I think all these people who want to promote diversity are operating under the false idea that everybody wants to go into places where they are different and unique. Perhaps they think we hate comfort?

I'm sure there are plenty of schools across the country where Mormons are rare. I assume the promoters of diversity would love to pat themselves on the back for having a rich assortment of religious beliefs in their community. But what if I don't want to go there? Does that mean they're somehow flawed?

No... I like it here. I don't have anything against them or their schools. I don't feel they lack anything because they're short on married guys from Utah and I don't think they should cry themselves to sleep at night about it.

Did anyone ever stop to think that the apparent lack of diversity may have something to do with the fact that some "diverse" groups don't want to hang out with me? Do they think it makes me feel good to know that not everyone in the world wants to be my friend and neighbor?

How does this promote community? Now I feel like there is some other group out there that has something I don't. They're better than me. They're different from me. Those friggin' snobs! What makes them think they're so special? What have they got that I don't have?

How about we just let people go where they want to go? Quit trying to herd me off to some place I don't want to go. Leave me alone.

Don't call it a belief and it's ok...

The other day I received an email from a student organization inviting me to a group activity. The group is a collection of students who share similar beliefs and values. The members of the group gather to discuss their shared values and frequently participate in activities with the goal of teaching others about their point of view. They often invite others to join their group and share in their beliefs. Sometimes there are politcal events that the members of this group feel are important and they gather to speak out in support of the values they hold dear.

But wait... I attend a state school. Can this group really use the school's rooms, chairs, and lights when they gather? You can't have a bunch of people sitting around using state facilities to promote their own idea of what is right and wrong. How dare they?

Come to think of it, this group likes to get together and discuss hot topics like marriage, abortion, and prayer in school. This simply will not do!

Wait! Everything is ok...

These believers will be just fine... There is no rule that says people can't gather together and use government facilities to promote the a common goal of spreading values and beliefs...

Or is there?

I guess it just depends on what the group believes. Where do their ideas about what is fundamentally right come from? Do they come from some internal moral compass? Or do they believe in a higer power?

For their sake I hope they can't come up with a source. I hope they can't name the place where their ideals, values, and goals come from.

Because once they do they will have crossed the line between belief and religion; and that's a bad thing.

As long as you don't give your belief system a name you can push your beliefs and values on anybody you want. Blame your values on God or Buddah or some magic plant and you're out the door.

What was the name of that group?

The Supreme Court... Accident of history?

I love Con Law. There is nothing quite like sitting for the better part of an hour as a liberal professor steps even farther left to make attempt after attempt at poking his students in the eye with a stick. Sometimes I wonder if he's just trying to spark controversy or at least conversation. Other times I think he's just an angry old hippie who is disappointed that he never changed the world...

There is one argument he makes that really seems to rub students the wrong way. He likes to say that the current makeup of the Supreme Court is an "accident of history." I guess he thinks that the world would be a different place if some planetary alignment had influenced the cosmos in another way. Maybe it is his way of explaining why the world didn't listen to him and do things his way. Obviously he can't be wrong so only an accident could explain his failure to change the minds of the masses.

Anyway...

It might not be an "accident of history," but apparently it was an accident of Sandra Day O'Connor. In a recent article she said that her decision to step down was based on Rhenquist's decision to stay. She didn't feel like two retirements at once was a good thing. It kind of makes you wonder... If she had known Rhenquist was going to die would she have stepped down?

O'Connor was the "swing vote" in many hotly contested cases. She recognized her position and probably knew that two retirements under GWB would cause a political shift in the thinking of the Court.

So maybe it is an accident..?

Joe Biden opens his mouth...

I don't care what your political stance is, this is funny.

Here's what Joe Biden had to say about Barack Obama in an interview with the New York Observer.

“I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy,”
So am I to assume that all the other "mainstream" African-Americans before Obama were inarticulate, moronic, unkempt, and ugly?

He also referred to Al Gore and John Kerry as "the perfect blow-dried candidates" who "couldn't connect."

I'm not sure what connection he's looking for but if he thinks he could have run a better race against GWB in 2000 or 2004 he should have put his hat in the ring.

On a good day I don't like most of the folks on Biden's side of the aisle but this guy truly stands out among his peers. Keep it up Joe... The GOP needs all the help it can get in 2008.

1st Blog Ever

I finally decided to combine my love for hearing myself talk with my need to see my name published in public places and start a blog. Yay for me!

I have nothing to rant about at the moment but I'm sure I will by the end of the day.