Do not be alarmed. All is well. The earth has not ceased to rotate and the Second Coming has not taken place. The exposure of my chin is not one of the foretold omens of the end of days. I just shaved.
I understand that this event may be shocking and life changing for some. Many of the people closest to me have never seen me without a beard and are struggling with the change. I ask you all to be patient and we will work through this together.
In order to help my dedicated fans with the transition I have compiled this list of suggestions.
1- Do not look directly at the chin. Staring at the chin can be distracting and may prevent you from accomplishing other important tasks.
2- Do not look directly at the 2nd (double) chin. There is no reason other than the reason listed above but I feel it is important to be redundant at least twice.
3- Do not tell me I have a baby face. As one friend commented, by removing my facial hair I have lost at least three "bad ass" points but do not be decieved. Mocking the new clean shaven me will still carry the same consequences as mocking the dirty old me.
4- Do not make out with me. For years my beard has provided a soft barrier preventing irritation to the face of those I kiss. Unfortunately, I have become re-acquainted with "beard burn." Apparently the stubble can cause sever irritation. What once was soft and hairy is now rough like sandpaper. I'm sorry.
5- Do not tell me you think I look "so much better." I don't like my face without a beard. If I did I would have shaved years ago. I don't care what you think. If I did I would never have gotten this fat.
6- Do not touch my face. Much like the delicate forrest floor my chin is not used to being exposed to the elements without a protective canopy.
7- Look at my eyes. I have been told that my eyes have remained the same despite various dramatic changes in my appearance. Many of my high school classmates have learned that I can still be recognized (even after gaining 100 lbs) if you focus on my eyes.
8- Look for old photographs. It has come to my attention that there some photographs were taken in the brief period before I started growing a beard and after I had gained weight. Viewing these photos may help you to gradually become more comfortable with my appearance.
9- Look for support among friends. You may feel that you are alone in this time of trial. Fortunately, there are others suffering. There is strength in numbers. Form support groups and sponsor conversations to provide for group healing.
10- Seek professional help. In some situations change can be very traumatic and the assistance of a professional may be necessary to avoid severe depression or anxiety.
I hope these suggestions help.
I will keep you all in my prayers.
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