Saturday, April 26, 2008

Done...

I remember the last day of 7th grade. I could barely contain my excitement as I waited for the second hand to round the corner at 9 and make its way up to the top of the clock. I was seconds away from summer. At the sound of the bell I would burst out of the classroom, into the hall, and off into a long vacation.

I don't know that I have ever felt that excited about anything in my life since then. I thought for sure I would feel something similar Friday as I heard my professor begin to wind down his lecture with the familiar "Well, it looks like we're out of time" but I didn't. Upon completing my last class of law school I simply closed my computer, walked to my carrel, and sat down.

I'm still wondering why...

As excited as I was to leave Mueller Park Jr. High School and the 7th grade behind, I had to know that several years of public education were still on the horizon. I couldn't have known that I would still be in school 20 years later but I MUST have known that there was still a long way to go.

So now I sit here at the end of the line. There is no more school. I have no desire for an LLM or some other interdisciplinary academic capstone. I'm done. Twelve grades of public school, four years of undergraduate work, and three years of law school (obviously there were some off years thrown in too).

I think I've screwed myself. All these book smarts have forced me to recognize that there are no concrete subdivisions of our lives, only milestones. Although I have reached a significant one, it is just another milestone. I wonder if I was happier then... Back when I didn't know enough to poo-poo a milestone by pointing out the inevitable return to the same uphill path...

Then again, I look back at everything that has happened since the 7th grade and I know there is NO WAY I would do it over again.

Maybe that's what I've learned. Not to be so excited for what is to come but to be grateful for what has passed.

No comments: